The numbers are in

It is official, I have gained 5 pounds since quitting training for the contest last Monday. Oh well. I guess that was to be expected. I was wasting away into nothing but muscles. But, at least I can still see my abs!!!

I have still been going to the gym. The hospital hooked us up with the one across the street so we can go get a quick workout in while my daughter is in the hospital for her treatments. So, that is awesome! My hubby and I went there twice over the weekend. I was at the gym at 7:00 today to take a body sculpt class. It was a good workout and I am so happy I went.

I have been trying to get some cardio in everyday too, although it is usually no where near an hour. I feel a nice long walk coming on today though. :) I hope the weather is going to cooperate, but I really have no idea what the forecast is. Who has time for TV anymore? I didn't even watch my favorite shows last night I was so tired.

My eating has still been out of control, but I can see that coming to a wane. I hope anyways. :) I still can't resist anything with sugar or flour. I have had a few biscuits with peanut butter and jelly over the past few days. Gotta love hospital food. It is SOOO healthy. NOT. That place is a danger zone for me, but maybe if I can keep control of myself at home I won't gain another five pounds. It is all about moderation. Why is that so hard to remember?

It's Over

I have definitely put myself on hold so that I can give 100% to my daughter for the next 8 months. I can always try again next year, but I really feel like the right thing to do is give my all to Summer. I will still be hitting the gym a few days a week, but I doubt it will be everyday now. I love me some weight lifting so I will continue with that. The cardio, not so much. I'll still be teaching Jazzercise when I can so I won't be going cold turkey on the cardio. Plus, a nice morning walk might sound good on some days.

That being said, I have a sitter tonight. It is St. Patrick's Day so I just might go out and have a green beer or two now that I'm not on alcohol restriction. Oh, and pizza sounds good too. I've got to remember moderation although depriving myself the way I have the past few months has probably thrown my moderating abilities off a bit. Maybe next week I'll go for moderation. :)

Anyways, hope everyone finds a reason to celebrate today. I could use a little time to unwind and let go. Might as well be tonight.

Renewed hope

It looks as if we may be staying in Chattanooga for my daughter's treatment and if so I am going to continue to pursue my dreams! I have a lot of family here to support me and who want to see me win this thing so I am going to stick to it. But, I am going to have to stop going to family dinners for the next 13 weeks. Either that, or they are going to have to stop making desserts. My aunt made her irresistible cookies again today. Need I say more?

I have been giving my arm a break this week trying to get it to heal up, but I still have pain in it. I have been icing it for the past few days at least a few times a day like Julie advised. I am not sure it is going to actually get better any time soon, but I have been taking it easy. I didn't do weights 3 days this week!!! That is crazy for me. Tomorrow I will probably be working back and then legs on Tuesday. I don't know if she will want me to lay off the shoulders still this week, but I kind of doubt it. We've got to get them bigger!!!

I did some extra cardio today to try to make up for my lack of self-control. Guess I should do extra tomorrow too. I think she will be bumping me up to 2 hours in a week or so anyway. Might as well start now.

I have been slacking on my posing practice too. I need to get off here and go get in front of my mirror for a few minutes. But, I've got a few more things to do. Boy, procrastinating sure is easy!!!

Diminishing dreams

It seems like my dreams of competing are becoming less likely. We just can't catch a break with my daughter's cancer. I don't know if I am being selfish by still considering doing the competition or if it is really a distraction I need in my life right now. It could be the key to my sanity, but it could also lead to me going insane if I have to worry about eating right in a hospital setting all the time. I did pretty good today considering we were at the hospital most of the afternoon. My appetite isn't really that great anyway which is a plus. I did have a moment of "insanity" when I put one and a half chicken nuggets in my mouth, chewed them up, and swallowed them. Why did I do that?

I got my cardio in this morning, but it looks like that is out for tomorrow. We have to be at the hospital at 6:30. Normally I am at the Rush finishing up the StairMaster and heading towards the treadmill at that time. Oh well. Maybe I will get to the gym sometime in the afternoon and at least get a leg work out in. But, that might be pushing it. I know it does not really seem like a big deal to miss a day or two, but I want to win not come in second. So, I try to make everyday count.

I am currently on restriction from doing shoulders and possibly back if it hurts my arm. I have strained / aggravated a muscle in my upper arm and I need to rest it so it will get back to being pain free. My shoulders still need a lot of bulking up in the next 13 weeks. Speaking of, I better go get the ice pack and put it on before I head off to bed.

Is it possible the pain in my arm (and sometimes hips) is just another thing indicating I should quit? Man I gotta get my mind out of this rut and do some serious POSITIVE THINKING!!!

Trying to stay strong

I am so sore today. I may have to take a day off tomorrow and rest, but maybe not. I did an hour and a half of cardio before 7:30 this morning. It feels so good to get up and do this. Today I walked a different path home. One thing that is awesome about downtown living, is there is a lot of scenery to be seen and all within walking distance from my condo!!! I could walk a different path to the Rush everyday for a month if I really wanted to. Although I like to do most of my wandering around on the trip home.

I have been struggling a little with my diet thanks to more bad news about my daughter. I am really going to try to be strong. I am going to a friend's for dinner to night and taking my food with me!!! I will not be tempted. Yesterday when we got home from the doctor, I baked some homemade banana bread which I didn't initially think I would eat any of. I had some old bananas that needed to be made into bread. Well, I was strong the whole time my husband was eating hot banana bread. Then as I waited for him to return from picking up our sushi dinner, I lost control. First it was just a crumb then it turned into a whole piece. Damn it. I so wish I wouldn't have done it now. It was not worth it. I did feel a little better and more relaxed at the time I ate it, but today I am just thinking about the jiggle in my butt. My aunt is having a dinner on Sunday which will have about 0% for me to eat if I follow my diet. Crap. Looks like I'll be taking some special food for that trip too.

It will all be worth it in the end though. I am actually starting to look forward to this competition even more than I did before. It gives me a good distraction in my life. Something positive to focus on. So, here I am again cheering for myself: Go me! Go me! Go me!

Back to the grind

I already have an hour and forty minutes of cardio in today. I probably need to do about five hours everyday this week to make up for how bad I was this weekend. LOL. Seriously though. I WAS BAD!!!!!!! It felt so good to go to the gym this morning. I walked there, then did 30 minutes on the StairMaster and 20 minutes on the treadmill. Then I walked to Walgreens hoping to buy some oatmeal for my breakfast. However, I was not about to pay $4 for a thing of oatmeal. I cannot wait to have a yummy omelet with spinach and tomatoes this morning. I have been eating boiled eggs since Thursday night and I am ready for something different!

I am doing back today with Julie. I haven't done a back workout with her yet, so I am anxious to see what she will have me doing. I was going to "accidentally" forget my suit and shoes today, but I think I am just going to take them. Although my diet this weekend was non-existent, I am not going to wuss out and leave it at home just because I don't want to her see my body after eating all that food this weekend. I must get over it and do the posing she wants to see although I am not really feeling like showing off my abs today. I still don't think I'm going to fess up with how bad I was, but I am not really big on lying. I will just try to keep my mouth shut and forget about all of the yummy things I put in my body. I just hope it isn't written all over my face.

Diving off the deep end

Well, I had a major breakdown yesterday and just decided that I am going to let go this weekend and pick back up with the diet on Monday. I will not go into all the yummy details, but I will say that my belly is full of things I would've never imagined putting into it a week ago. With all of the stress I have on me right now, adding to it by trying to diet in a hospital setting is just not working for me. So I am diving head first into the deep end and the pool is DEEP!!! I figure this one weekend is not going to lose the competition for me. I am still 13 weeks and 6 days out. This weekend will only make me diet and train harder when I get back on the wagon on Monday.

I had an okay workout yesterday, but I didn't write any of it down. I was just glad to be in the gym and feel like I was doing something good for my body. I only did 10 minutes on the StairMaster and walked for about 20 out in the beautiful sunny weather. I know that is no where near an hour and a half, but with my baby laying in a hospital bed I thought it was pretty good. I am so ready for her to go home so I can get back to a normal workout schedule. I guess I need to call my trainer and reschedule our appts. for this week since she may still be in the hospital tomorrow morning.

I hope to reach the bottom of the pool sometime today although I doubt it will too much sooner than just before bedtime. I'm not going to beat myself up about it though. I am sure Julie will do that for me if I tell her how bad I was, but I'm not sure I'm going to go into all the yummy details with her either.

Shoulders today! Can't wait to step into the gym!!!!!!!!

Ready to hit the gym

I have not given up on my competition dreams yet. My trainer gave me permission to cheat yesterday so I did. I didn't feel guilty at all while I was eating at Olive Garden or drinking my mocha light frappacino from Starbucks, but when I had a cookie and brownie in the hospital last night I did. A little. LOL I told myself I was just going to cheat yesterday. Then this morning, after I had a good breakfast of eggs and oatmeal, I ate another cookie. Crap. Now I'm telling myself just get through the weekend and get my baby out of this hospital and I'll get back to being a good girl. Not sure if I should give myself the luxury of indulging anymore, but probably not. It is just so hard when I am sitting in the hospital surrounded by comfort foods. And boy do I need comfort. :)

I am anxiously awaiting my mom to get here so I can sneak off to the gym. I have not been in two days and I am having some major withdrawal, even guilt for not going. I know I am where I need to be right now though taking care of my baby. I just hope she doesn't put up a fuss when I leave or else I may not make it to the gym again. Yesterday our case worker showed me the stairwell so I am thinking maybe I can get some cardio in at the hospital. That would be awesome, but I am scared to leave my little girl in the room alone the middle of the night to go hit that stairwell although she would more than likely not wake up. We'll see if I ever make it there, but I really do want to use them. Today I am going to do legs. Where is my relief? The gym is screaming my name. Can't they hear it too?

Second thoughts

Well, I have had a major crisis in my family. My daughter has kidney cancer and we just found out today. So, I may or may not quit this whole competition thing. I'm just not sure I have it in me to continue on with all of this other crap to focus on. I really don't want to quit, but it might be the smart thing to do right now. I just don't know, but I still haven't cheated on my diet. We'll see what tomorrow brings....

Shoes are in!!!

However, they are still in the box. I jumped at the chance to get online while my little girl naps so they will have to wait until she wakes up.

I have 1 hour and 19 minutes of cardio in for today. Only 11 more left. LOL I am thinking about a nice walk across the bridge or possible to the library. I'm not sure exactly how warm it is out this afternoon, so I will probably decide when I step out the front doors with Summer in the stroller. It is supposed to be in the 70's this weekend so I see some serious bike riding in for me! That should break up the cardio rut I have been getting into.

These past few days I have been doing Jazzercise for some of my cardio and it has been fun. It works my core so much too that I feel like it is a double whammy. Two for the price of one!!! I am teaching again tomorrow. I haven't been teaching much lately so it has been nice to get some of these workouts in rather than just walking on the treadmill and StairMaster every morning. Plus I have an extra half hour of cardio to do now, so that will be at least two separate workouts. That means some days I'll be working out three times a day. That sounds fun to me! My only problem is working it around me daughter sometimes she does not think it is as fun.

I have eaten perfectly so far today. Scrambled eggs, oatmeal, protein shake, peanut butter, and sushi. I have some green tea chilling in the fridge. I'm going to fix me a big glass when I get up. I have been drinking flavored green tea the past few days, and I am ready to go back to plain green tea for a few days. Of course, a sugar-free red bull also sounds pretty yummy, but I only have those on special occasions. I don't there is any special occasion today. I am still trying to decide on dinner. Chicken or fish? I think we are going to have some asparagus and possibly a spinach salad too. I might could use a day off from salad too though. Maybe tonight I will just put some spinach and tomato in my eggs for a special treat. It is amazing the foods I look forward to now. Oatmeal, eggs, a spoon full of peanut butter. Don't get me wrong, a cookie or piece of cake sounds nice and inviting, but they are really just the devil in disguise. Something that can destroy all my other hard efforts in less than a minute. I will not eat them anymore....at least until after the show (and maybe Summer's birthday if Julie lets me).

Did that sound convincing? :)

I cheated!!!

But, the first thing I did when I walked into the gym for my workout with Julie was tell her about it. Although she did not berate me or bring me to tears like I know she has done others, I cannot do it again!!! It is not going to help my butt in any way and that is where most of my fat is. Thankfully it is not in my tummy too. She was very happy with that. I just need to work on keeping my abs pulled in.

Today she took my measurements for my suit. We have been looking at suits for a while and I think we finally narrowed it down to the cut, design and fabric. Woohoo!!! I just hope all these measurements are accurate and it actually fits when I get it.

Right now I weight 128.5 pounds. When I started dieting in January, I weighed 135. I am at about 18% body fat right now and she wants to get it down below 10% by the contest. Yikes! She is guessing that I will be around 120 pounds for the contest. I can't even imagine weighing 120 again. The last time I weighed anything close to that was when I was in high school. Oh, and when I got pregnant with Summer I got down to about 122 I think. Anyways, I still have quite a ways to go before I am ready to get up on a stage and compete.

She upped my cardio to 1 1/2 hours a day. My diet is still the same. I just need to make sure to stick to it. It is getting easier, but obviously I had a moment of weakness last night. I was not thinking about the goal. I was thinking about how awesome an ooey, gooey hot chocolate chip cookie tastes. So I ate it. Hey, everyone else was doing it! LOL

I must remember to always focus on the goal. And that is to win! I am going to aim high and hope I will not be disappointed.

Here is a little cheer I am doing today to keep me focused:

GO ME! GO ME! GO ME!