Thursday, March 12, 2009

Diminishing dreams

It seems like my dreams of competing are becoming less likely. We just can't catch a break with my daughter's cancer. I don't know if I am being selfish by still considering doing the competition or if it is really a distraction I need in my life right now. It could be the key to my sanity, but it could also lead to me going insane if I have to worry about eating right in a hospital setting all the time. I did pretty good today considering we were at the hospital most of the afternoon. My appetite isn't really that great anyway which is a plus. I did have a moment of "insanity" when I put one and a half chicken nuggets in my mouth, chewed them up, and swallowed them. Why did I do that?

I got my cardio in this morning, but it looks like that is out for tomorrow. We have to be at the hospital at 6:30. Normally I am at the Rush finishing up the StairMaster and heading towards the treadmill at that time. Oh well. Maybe I will get to the gym sometime in the afternoon and at least get a leg work out in. But, that might be pushing it. I know it does not really seem like a big deal to miss a day or two, but I want to win not come in second. So, I try to make everyday count.

I am currently on restriction from doing shoulders and possibly back if it hurts my arm. I have strained / aggravated a muscle in my upper arm and I need to rest it so it will get back to being pain free. My shoulders still need a lot of bulking up in the next 13 weeks. Speaking of, I better go get the ice pack and put it on before I head off to bed.

Is it possible the pain in my arm (and sometimes hips) is just another thing indicating I should quit? Man I gotta get my mind out of this rut and do some serious POSITIVE THINKING!!!

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3 comments:

  1. LosinthisdangfatMarch 13, 2009 at 12:11 AM

    Maybe that competition that you want to do is a good thing for you to take part in. It's not a bad thing to want to do something fun for yourself. I know that as a mom you might think that it's selfish to actually do something that interests you. Believe me, I am a mom and I know all about that feeling. But I think it's a good thing to do if it's something you really want to do. Just be careful that you're not stressing yourself out too much with all that's going on. Cancer is a difficult thing to go through. I know from personal experience because my mom passed away from cancer 20 years ago.
    Be strong for your daugher. She needs you. I know that you all will get through this. My prayers are with you all.

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  2. ashleyjncMarch 13, 2009 at 1:03 PM

    I think it may be more realistic to cancel this, especially if Summer goes to St. Jude, which sounds best, she is open for more drug trials if traditional means are not working that way, St. Jude really is the best for kiddos. I have a feeling as treatment progesses and there seem to be lots of "unexpected stays" with kids and chemo when they need transfusions or run a fever, and she is probably going to need/want her mama most if not all the time.

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  3. MollyMarch 13, 2009 at 2:42 PM

    It depends on the timing of the competition. If it is relatively soon, you should really try to do it. You need something to do for you. Especially if you have someone to help. My mother is amazing and comes in for my son's inpatient chemo. My father-in-law comes to the hospital for a lot of the outpatient stuff. Of course my husband is there as often as he can be. So I know that if I do have something going on or just need a break, my son has people around who love him very much and are also knowledgeable and pay attention so that no one screws up.

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